Dream Diary Episode 8: Another what the hell moment

As you know from all of the previous dream diary posts I've done I have some screwed up dreams.

Last night I dreamed that I was curling, which I haven't done since I was in high school and even then not very well. This is easily explained by the fact that I've been watching 2 matches a day. It's the National Women's Championships this week for those of you who didn't know.

The second one involved a guy that I work with where we had a moment in an elevator or something and then when I asked if we needed to talk about it he said he didn't have time to talk about it. I'm not even sure what that says about me, that even in my dreams guys don't want to start relationships with me. I can't say I blame them though, I'm totally scattered.

My emotional baggage

I haven't written anything lately because I don't even know where to begin. Not to mention that I'm totally unfocused these days and can't concentrate at all. So let's do a quick run down of things in my life.

Work - I suppose it pays the bills. Actually it's going fairly well. Except for the sabotage. Seriously my paranoia is getting so bad that I actually thought that someone purposely took the papers off my desk yesterday just to get me in trouble. Turns out someone just accidentally took them off my desk but still.

Home - Home is pretty good. I'm still having trouble with the neighbours and I'm not renewing my lease for this coming year so I'm going to have to find somewhere else to live. That's not going so well. I've probably made about 30 phone calls and have gotten about 5 replies. Only one of them would work and they don't have any openings right now.

School - School is on pause for now. I'm seriously considering quitting my job and going back to do my pre-reqs for lab. It's tough to give up the money but it's probably worth it in the end. Well maybe. I'm thinking though that I would probably do part of a Master's degree by distance ed at the same time. I don't know sometimes I think I think about this stuff too much.

Friends - I don't see a whole lot of them these days. Well if you don't count work friends anyway. it was spring break last week and exams and papers are coming due this week. It's hard having a lot of friends in school when you're not.

And there I am. Oh also I've been watching a lot of curling lately mostly because it's on.

It's been a while

I haven't updated in a while. I just haven't really had a whole lot to say. I've got a terrible head cold this week so all of my thoughts are consumed with being ill. I even took Tuesday off work which seemed like a good idea on Wednesday when I felt better but not so great when I felt even worse today.

But besides the sniffling, sneezing and teary eyes there isn't a whole lot going on with me these day.

Business Ethics

I love the movie Billy Madison, my brother and I have watched it so many times that occasionally we will knock on each others doors just to quote the movie. Yes we are that dorky.
Anyone who has seen this movie knows that the other guy selects "business ethics" as his topic for the final phase of the academic decathlon.

I make this connection because I've been trying to determine if it's unethical to be sending out my resume while I'm at work. It probably is and it's not like I've seen postings that I want to apply for but then I haven't been looking real hard either.

It also reminds me of that episode of the Office where Dwight doesn't want to be a time thief. Seriously if you do not watch this show you really need to. My brother has also suggested that if I'm angry at my co-workers I might try suspending their office supplies in Jell-O (see first season). I'm very, very tempted to try this.

Numbers Never Lie

As you are already very likely aware I'm not always confident about the career path that I've chosen. I often consider further education, changing jobs or perhaps just becoming a homeless person. However my aversion to change often prevents me from considering such options but when I'm in a bit of a funk, like now, I like to see what's out there.

One of the things I like to do is take personality related career quizzes to determine if I'm where I should be. About 4 years ago I took one that had to be sent away for grading, it was very long and really scary, but it told me that I was probably taking the correct course of training for the professions best suited to me. I just did a color based career quiz and it said that the place I should be is somewhere very much like the place I'm in now.

It's just a little frustrating because I'm so unhappy being where I am now. Anyway if you'd like to check out the quiz it's here .

How to get over a bad day at work

1. Check out apartment building in different area of town to remind you that you are moving in just over 2 months.
2. Blog about how to get over crappy day.
3.Remind self that the Duke-UNC (aka evil and evil-er) game is on tonight and that you must watch to see if blood will be shed (answer: god I hope so)
4. Re-read (or read if you haven't yet) baby punching post as this is possibly the most hilarious thing you have read this year.
5. Find baby to punch.

Well okay maybe not that last one.

Think Happy Thoughts

I can just see this going wrong. I don't think anyone who reads this would be shocked that I have had more than one office crush at my current job. I've been here almost 2 years these things are bound to happen. But today I have to work with my very first office crush ever. You know that scene in Love, Actually where the boss calls the woman into the office and asks her how long she's been in love with the toque designer and it's like since the day she started? Yup that's pretty much how it is.

So you can see how this might be a little bit weird. Of course if I think it's going to be awkward then it definitely will be awkward so I just have to keep thinking happy thoughts.

Edit: you know what the easiest way to deal with above awkwardness is? Don't work with them. It's probably a long story that I shouldn't bother getting into.

Misery

I hope it's just a seriously bad case of the winter blues and that it's not a sign of something else, but I can't help but be unhappy these days. I don't really think it's just the weather. Since people who have just returned from vacation are equally miserable.

It's funny I was always told that there is always someone worse off than you and that you should be happy with the things that you have and not worry about what everyone else has. It seems like the only way to stop being miserable about what everyone else has and get the same things is to go against my better judgement and do all the things that would make me miserable.

I have a constant struggle with myself to reconcile the way that the world is with the way that the world should be. I don't think that people should get ahead in this world because they know someone who can help them get ahead. I have trouble understanding a world where 25 year olds are still living at home with their parents. I don't believe it is the place of management to determine whether you should be offered other positions in your company. I don't think that any of these beliefs are entirely out of line and yet they are all contrary to what happens in the world.

The saying goes life isn't fair, but beyond that life is morally bankrupt (in so much as an inanimate object or idea can have morals).

I guess I'm turning into a shoe girl

This has been the most ridiculous week. Actually the last couple of weeks have been pretty crazy. But anyway like a typical girl I decided that the best way to get over my problems was to go shopping. Oddly enough yesterday was also a pay day so I had just finished paying down my credit card bill.

So I went on a bit of a shopping spree. I bought some new tops and a new dress, two necklaces, a new bag and wallet and these shoes which I love because they go with everything.

The Economic Crisis and Me

I read a lot a blogs. Probably more than one person should. I particularly enjoy sports blogs but I also like reading people's personal blogs. Some people's lives are just so much more interesting than the average person. 

One common theme that I've noticed in my reading of late is people's worry about the economic situation. A lot of people are randomly losing their jobs. I always feel horrible for those people. Because no job means no money, no money means no rent, means no place to live and so on. It makes me feel kind of guilty about complaining so much about my job. At least I have one. Okay so it's not the greatest of situations but it exists. 

I just can't help but wonder why I go to work sometimes. And the answer is so that I can pay my bills so that I have a place to live. Unfortunately my thoughts turn slightly morbid after that and it really puts a damper on my whole perspective on life. 

Well at least someone agrees with me

The last couple of days I have been a bit of a Debbie Downer about my work situation. But you know at least I'm not the only one who sees it. It may not be a ringing endorsement of my persistent bitching but, knowing that I'm not alone in my outrage makes me feel just a little bit better about being outraged. 

Anyway I'm sure you're all sick of hearing me complain so instead I'll just offer this picture of Larry Fitzgerald who likely would have been the Superbowl MVP if Arizona would have won instead of just looking hot in a suit.