Paralyzed with Fear

Maybe it's fate or kismet or the universe trying to tell me something, I just wish I could figure out exactly what that is. Just as I'm planning returning to work after my sick leave the job of my dreams opens up. In fact this job is the one that I said I wanted in my high school yearbook.

But I'm not sure what to do. In the past when I've applied for jobs and not gotten interviews I got upset. But when I have gotten interviews and don't get the job I'm even more upset. I wish there was some way for me to only apply for jobs that I'm going to get. I also don't quite know what to do about references. It's always a bit of an issue when you're in a position and applying elsewhere, do you ask the boss and risk pissing him (or her) off or do you try to find an older reference hoping that they will at least give you a glowing recommendation.

Anyway the details of the job go like this:

• Small-ish town, which is totally perfect for me since I hate living in the city
• perfect fit for my education and training, even if the advertisement says Master's preferred
• 2 year term, so I'm not going to feel like I'm stuck if I don't like it and it ends with just the right amount of time off before I'd head off to grad school
• Much better salary range than I currently make, but then again I'm over qualified for the job that I have.

New boots for all

Okay well maybe not all, but definitely me. See I was having a rough day so I went to visit my brother's girlfriend just to hang out for a while. But she happens to work in a shoe store. So I may have purchased the boots below. Did I need 2 pairs of boots? no. Did I need even one pair of boots? Probably not. And yet some how I ended up with them both. Sometimes you just have to do something nice for yourself even if your feet don't agree that it's nice.

The First Hurdle to Cross

The last time I talked about getting serious about going to grad school I was looking at writing the GRE. Since I've been studying for the GRE for a while I realized that I don't seem to be doing very well. I'm doing practice questions now and well I kind of suck.

So now I'm thinking maybe instead of killing myself to do well on the GRE so that I can get into my dream schools, maybe I ought to be looking for schools that don't require the GRE. None of the Canadian school that I would apply to require the GRE and some other schools like Oklahoma State and North Dakota State don't require the GRE. So maybe I should just take the easy way out. Then again I might kick myself for not at least trying to write the GRE.

Alright that's 7 mentions of the GRE in one post. Far more than enough.

I've started writing again

If you've been reading this blog for a while you already know that I'm a terrible writer and if you're new well I guess I just spilled the beans. Despite this fact I occasionally enjoy writing. That's part of the reason I started this blog.

I've also been known to write short stories. Terrible, awful short stories. I don't do it with the hopes of being published or anything like that. I know my limits. These stories are just for fun. The last on I wrote was back when I was in University. It amused the other girls in residence and gave me something to do when I was bored in class.

When bad TV shows happen to good movies

Now I'm no TV critic but I do watch a whole lot of it. Recently I downloaded the show "10 Things I Hate About You". Now I really enjoyed the movie so I had high hopes for the show. But sadly it blows and yet I still intend to watch every episode.

I do have to say though that while I've seen a lot of books turned in to movies, this is the first show I've ever seen based on a movie. Or at least that I can remember. Can you think of any?

Are we heading to another election?

Didn't we just have one of these? See, this is why the Canadian electoral system is kind of screwed up. For those of us who went and did our civic duty last fall, we told our MPs exactly what we wanted. Essentially we said "hey look go back there and act like adults." Clearly they aren't.

Although it sounds like the NDP isn't going to go along with the Liberal plan. Which is good because instead of spending money on an election the government should just cut a check to every adult in the country.

Slight Delay on the Dream Train

Alright so now that I've decided that I'm going to apply for my Master's degree I'm starting to get into a little bit of research. If I intend to apply for next fall I need to be able to pay for it. As of right now the only place I will be able to afford is right here at home. In order to afford anywhere else a year from now I'm going to have to live off Kraft Dinner for a year.

So now I'm thinking I should be looking forward to the fall of 2011 so that I don't have to be completely miserable for a year in order to afford the next two years. That takes a lot of the pressure off since now I'm giving myself another year the prepare for the GRE. It also means I'll be 29 before I'm finished grad school.

Just trying to keep it together

I just don't know what's wrong with me. No actually that's not true I have a diagnosis so I know exactly what's wrong with me. What I don't know is why I feel so bad. A week ago I was on top of the world, now I want to go jump in front of a moving vehicle.

Actually I saw a bad car accident today or the wreckage at least. A van had into the back end of a semi-trailer. Scary looking stuff though my brother figures that only a couple of legs were broken based on the condition we saw the cars in.

I guess I just have to focus on one day at a time and hope things work back.

That's a scary thought

You know how I was talking about my job here and some of the crap that happened while I was away? Well I had a little chat with my boss and they've already filled the position that I was in and he said that the person that they hired is over qualified for the job and probably won't stay long which got me thinking.

If people in my industry are applying for jobs for which they are over qualified doesn't that mean that there aren't many jobs out there. And perhaps rather than complaining about my job all the time I need to realize that at least I have a job. It also puts into rather sharp focus the importance of going to get my Master's degree before it's too late and I do actually have to compete for jobs with the over qualified.

It's finally here...

... well almost. And it is football season. The first game is tonight and it's Pittsburgh vs Tennessee. It always seems so long between football seasons and being sick all this summer didn't exactly help either.

I am participating in the fantasy pool this year with the guys from work and this year we have another girl playing with us. Look like maybe I should be thinking about organizing a girl's pool for next year. I thought about doing one and a whole draft based on hotness but everyone else would have to share my level of commitment to make it work. I'll try to get it going for March Madness and the hotness bracket this year. Of course now it's getting to the point where it's creepy for me to say that Freshmen are hot. So this will probably be the last year for hotness bracket... sigh.

What was I worried about

I've finally gotten around to studying for the math section of the GRE and let me just say I wish I had taken this test right after grade 9. But then again I've also taken Stats and Calculus at the university level since grade 9 so this just seems easy.

Has anyone noticed that they always put the verbal section first in these GRE study books. Of course that's probably because the verbal section is first but I feel much more confident having completed one math chapter than I did after the whole verbal section.

Sometimes you just need the right motivation

So I have many times mentioned the passing thought that perhaps I should apply for grad school. Well yesterday I made the decision to get really serious about it. I know I've said that before but I'm pretty sure it will stick this time.

See work has once again screwed me over with their HR policies and so I'm being demoted because I got sick. But the thing is I deserved that promotion. I put a lot of work into it and now it's all gone by the way side.

And so my renewed commitment to higher education.

I swear computers were invented to make me cry

So I finally got my laptop back which is super exciting. yay! But it took me 4 hours and a phone call to Shaw in order to get internet. But now we have internet set up and that's awesome. Which means I can probably start doing more regular posting again.

Another birthday another U.S. Open

Is it sad that I think the best thing about my birthday is that the U.S. Open will always start just shortly after?

It was my birthday on Thursday and I didn't do anything really exciting but today the U.S. Open started. Now that we've switched to Shaw I don't have to miss a single point (well that's not exactly true since they don't televise every game). Not only can I record the games but I can also watch them in HD (provided my brother doesn't want to watch wrestling).

Last night I watched my first football game in HD. It was pretty awesome, even if it was only pre-season.

The 3 month itch

That's right it's been 3 months since I've been to work. Everyone tells me that I should take it slow but now that I'm starting to feel a little bit better I want to jump right in with both feet. I've been having a little trouble with staying on task the last couple of days though, hopefully that will get better. Anyways I've got 4 weeks of treatment left and then hopefully I'll be ready to go back. I'm just getting bored.

Oh I wish I had my laptop back. I've been using my brother's computer to do stuff but it's really really really slow and crappy and I miss the portability. I've considered getting a wireless card for my desktop but then I think what's the point since I won't use it once my laptop comes back. Have I mentioned that I hate computers.

Every day it gets a little bit easier

I was a little bit skeptical about starting these new treatments but I think they're helping. I'm starting to feel somewhat normal again. I'm getting excited for football season and the U.S. Open tennis and even hockey season.

A couple of days ago I saw people from my work on the bus and I didn't quite know what to say. I wasn't sure how much they already knew and I didn't want to give out more information than I needed to. So I just didn't say anything. Today I saw someone else that I work with on the bus and I even got up and moved closer. It was good that it was someone that I'm really comfortable with and who kind of knew what was going on without me really having to tell her and she seemed genuinely excited to see me too.

So yeah some day I might be able to transfer buses infront of my work and not feel like I'm about to bawl. And that will be the first sign that maybe I can think about going back. Until then I'll just continue to take it one day at a time.

Folklorama Llama

I love Folklorama. For those of you who aren't from Manitoba and don't know what Folklorama is it's a cultural celebration over 2 weeks in which residents of Manitoba celebrate their origins. Or something like that. It's broken up into different pavilions where you can buy food and souvenirs and watch entertainment provided by cultural groups representing their pavilion (a lot of singing and dancing).

This year I've been to 7 shows. Columbia, Belgium, Slovenia, Alpine (Switzerland/Austria/Germany), and 2 different Ukrainian Pavilions. I'm going to take in one more show tonight and that will be the end of Folklorama for me this year. If you ever get a chance to go to Folklorama you should do it. They often have bus tours that bring people from all over Canada and the United States. But be prepared to spend money. I've had to go to the bank twice since it started to get more money for the shows.

update to arrg...

I talked to the company that I bought my computer from and they said that they were able to ship it off to the manufacturer today. Hooray.

The Mid Summer update.

I know it's been a while since my last post but a couple of things have been happening. First is the still unresolved computer issue. The second is that I've started a new treatment for my illness so I have to go to the hospital every day. Don't worry though it's just until things stabilize a little bit. But anyway that's why I haven't been around much.

I have been reading up a storm though. I've been thinking that maybe I should start a book club. It was be more of a social activity than I'm used to and I DO love to read. Anyone interested?

arrg...

So you know how I was saying last year that I love my laptop well now I don't. It's got major crashage issues and because I decided not to run internet into my bedroom and just went wireless I don't have internet so I stuck using my brother's crap-puter. No seriously this thing is a piece of junk and he's constantly trying to download stuff so it's always really slow. And the company I bought my computer from is having trouble communicating with the company that made my computer and I'm stuck in the middle sans computer.

I miss the old days. When life was simple and my parents fought my battles for me. Or at least owned everything I used so they were responsible for getting things fixed.