The First Hurdle to Cross

The last time I talked about getting serious about going to grad school I was looking at writing the GRE. Since I've been studying for the GRE for a while I realized that I don't seem to be doing very well. I'm doing practice questions now and well I kind of suck.

So now I'm thinking maybe instead of killing myself to do well on the GRE so that I can get into my dream schools, maybe I ought to be looking for schools that don't require the GRE. None of the Canadian school that I would apply to require the GRE and some other schools like Oklahoma State and North Dakota State don't require the GRE. So maybe I should just take the easy way out. Then again I might kick myself for not at least trying to write the GRE.

Alright that's 7 mentions of the GRE in one post. Far more than enough.

It's time to get down to work

I've been talking about it for a while now and well I think it's finally time to get to work on writing that GRE. I've pretty much had it with work and now that I've got enough money for my trip I can start to focus on saving my money for grad school.

Last night I had a dream that I just blew up one day at work and quit. You know I'm not very far from it right now. I'm not actually feeling as bad as I have in the past when I get home from work but I am having some trouble containing my anger. I'm terrible for bottling up my emotions and then letting them bubble up and get the better of me.

And so it's time to go. I just don't know where. But this is the first step.

Dream Diary Episode 8: Another what the hell moment

As you know from all of the previous dream diary posts I've done I have some screwed up dreams.

Last night I dreamed that I was curling, which I haven't done since I was in high school and even then not very well. This is easily explained by the fact that I've been watching 2 matches a day. It's the National Women's Championships this week for those of you who didn't know.

The second one involved a guy that I work with where we had a moment in an elevator or something and then when I asked if we needed to talk about it he said he didn't have time to talk about it. I'm not even sure what that says about me, that even in my dreams guys don't want to start relationships with me. I can't say I blame them though, I'm totally scattered.

Far, Far Away

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. I don't know if that's true in my case. When I'm in the middle of a sports season I usually pick up a "boyfriend" for that sport. College basketball, college football, actual football... well you can see where this is going. But quickly after the season I tend to forget about them and move on. I mean I rarely mention Jay Cutler anymore.

Perhaps it's a good thing then that my office crush is taking some time off soon. Perhaps not being around him all the time will help me get over it. I'd really like to move on although the way things have been going in my dreams lately maybe I'm better to just stick with what I've got.

Dream Diary Episode 7: Okay now this is just getting weird

There are a lot of theories out there about the meaning of dreams. Some people believe that they are subconsciously trying to direct you in a certain path. I certainly hope that's not the case. I keep having dreams about a certain co-worker of mine who seems to be a really nice guy but totally not my type. He's not anyone's type. In fact anytime I happen to mention to someone that I'm having these dreams I get a certain reaction from the other person in the form of some sort of retching sound or a disturbed face, or even a laugh.

So last night I dreamed a bunch of things that aren't even true about him. But anyways apparently I was going with my parents to meet his parents (possibly for the first time I'm not entirely sure). But instead I met his 8 siblings (trust me he doesn't have 8 siblings, plus I'm not sure I would want to get involved with someone who comes from such fertile stock). Each kid had their own washing machine (yeah, I don't get it either). And one of his sisters wouldn't leave us alone. It was all very odd.

If anyone has any experience interpreting dreams I could clearly use the help.

Dream Diary Episode 6: What the hell was that?

Before I get into the ridiculousness of my dream a little background about where I work. At my company we have a help line. You know like the ones on the candy bar wrappers that you call if you have questions, comments or complaints. I've always admired these people because I've never thought I'd be very good at it. Well for the next 5 weeks I'm going through an occupational familiarization exercise with this people.

This week I'm just listening, for the next two week we're getting details about all of the things that go on at the company. After that we do a week of transcription where we take notes on the calls that we get and then we're on the phones. In all of this time we have mentors to help us with any questions that we might have about the job or the things they do or the things we do at the company as a whole.

So now the dream. I dreamed that my mentor decided that I was ready to actually take calls today and then instead of sitting with me, in case I didn't know how to deal with the call they just took off and left me to answer these questions. Not only that but they were questions about things that don't even exist. And then I started getting sick. Of course I couldn't just hang up on the guy so I was trying to finish the call. Then I really was sick, but I was throwing up clothes. And then my alarm clock went off.

So that was my extremely messed up dream. I really wish I had decided to stay home today. Dreaming about being sick is not a good way to start a Friday morning.

Dream Diary Episode 5: I hope I never have that dream again

Last night I had not one but two dreams about work. The first one was not so much about work but two of the guys I work with. I don't even remember all of the details I just remember waking up and going "what the hell was that?"

Explanation:This one is pretty easy to explain since a couple of days ago at coffee break we were discussing that I never checked out any of the guys that I hang out with at work. One of them then accused me of being a lesbian. Which if you read this blog you'd quickly find out I'm not. Then someone mentioned that me and one of the other guys would be "perfect for each other". So clearly my mind was trying to determine what would happen if we actually did get together. Damn logical brain. Let's just hope this isn't a recurring dream because that might actually mean something.

The second one was actually related to a job that I recently applied for but am now considering not interviewing for. Let's just say that the dream showed me what would happen given the most likely outcome of the interview process.

Explanation: Again pretty self explanatory. I fear change. At the same time I'm always looking for a change. So this was my subconscious saying perhaps you'd better re-think this career change thing.

Yup, it's love

Anyone remember the days when I was in love with Eli Manning? When he would be absolutely terrible and I'd shrug it off and say "it's just one game". You know back before he was Superbowl MVP. Well you know how I was developing a big crush on Jay Cutler? . Yeah well my reaction to his play on Sunday where he threw more interceptions than touchdowns and did pretty much nothing for my fantasy team was "it's okay, I still love you". Dammit, what's wrong with me.

I've also noticed that he looks a little stoned, pretty much all the time. Much like my fantasy team I can only see this ending badly. Hopefully this was the result of a bye week for most of my favorite teams and will pass quickly.

In other news I'm back to a previous office crush. I'm hoping that this is just a residual feeling from the growing love of Jay Cutler. But I had a strange dream about him the other night. I very rarely remember my dreams so this is kind of strange.

Turns out I'm kind of a head case

So as you may have noticed it's been a while since I've posted anything. I guess I should apologize for that. The thing is I haven't really been stringing together enough coherent thoughts lately to make a post. Additionally the thoughts that I do have really aren't the sort of thing that I want to be putting in writing.

Oddly enough I'm not even really into sports these days. Last year I would have been all over both the U.S. Open which is this week. I don't even think that I've mentioned that Rafa is now the world number one. Oh and there is a Djokovic-Roddick match tonight that might be worth watching. I however will likely be watching the football game as NFL regular season starts tonight (look for my fantasy team post in the next couple of days).

I've also been having all sorts of crazy dreams. Like this morning when I dreamed that my bus stopped 2 stops before my regular morning stop and then turned around. This is of course completely ridiculous but whatever my dreams very rarely make sense.

At least I'm in training for the next two days

So you know how I'm constantly dealing with new work crushes even though the last one lasted pretty much a year? Well anyway, there is a new one. Actually I think I've probably mentioned this before. But anyone that I can convince to watch Shark Week deserves some crushing. Still unclear on his personal details but really that's not important.

But really this post in not about new office crush but old office crush. Yeah, yeah I know that's confusing too given that new office crush is actually 3rd office crush and old office crush could be used for either of the previous to the current office crush. And yes I'm babbling to avoid actually describing the dream I had about old office crush.

Right, so I had this strange dream about my workplace. For some reason we had a pool in our office, which doesn't sound so strange until you know that it's a swimming pool. There is definitely not a swimming pool in my work place. But anyways so for some reason old office crush and I were dating or something but hiding it, probably because at work relationships are usually a bad idea. But we weren't hiding it very well. Very strange dream. Especially since it was on a Saturday night which is usually my "there is no way I'm thinking about work tonight" night.

I am glad that I'm in training for the next couple of days which will help me to get over the internal awkwardness.

Dream Diary Episode 4: More dreams about work.

In case you haven't noticed I obsess just a little over the whole work situation. Last night I had this very strange dream that I was being demoted at my work. Actually the situation was that I was being demoted but with a pay raise and there was a huge argument with my boss about how this was really the best situation for me because I was making more money.

The weird thing is that all of this happened while I was at a party on a boat with a bunch of people that went to my high school but were much younger than me. The boat was kind of like a cruise ship or something and it was more of a dance/ball than a party.

Logic: In the department where most of my work friends work there is a lot of speculation about a job shifts and promotions. Last week they did a whole bunch of interviews and people are still waiting to hear the results. The boat thing was probably because I was watching American Princess last night and they had a highland ball.

I'm glad I can actually use logic to figure this one out versus how these things normally work.

Dream Diary Episode 3 - And I thought that last time was messed up

Okay there is something obviously wrong with me. Last night I had the craziest dream. Actually I don't really remember much about it except that it wasn't in English.

For the record I DO NOT speak any other languages. I took a little french in high school but living in the French part of the city now I've learned just how little French I know. I also attempted to learn Czech once, didn't get very far with that one. So there is no reason for me to dream in any other language. In a "let's think about this logically" kind of way I suppose it may be because I've been watching a lot of YouTube videos in Spanish, due to my little crush of Fernando Torres. But it's not like I've understood any of it.

As we learned in this post my crazy dreams come in pairs. So the second one is even more inexplicable in the "where the hell did that come from" kind of way. The dream was set at the NHL draft, which was only a couple of weeks ago so that might make sense. The thing about the Draft is that it's a bunch of 18 year olds and yes when I was younger I used to love watching the draft. However now that I'm getting older and 18 is out of my age range I find it just a little creepy and a list of which teams drafted who is sufficient. Other weird parts of the dream include that the number 1 draft pick was from Switzerland. Which has never happened. In fact there aren't all that many Swiss players to begin with. Secondly, the guy was hot. And thirdly instead of kissing his mom, dad, siblings and girlfriend when his name was called, he was at the draft with his boyfriend. Which again to the best of my knowledge has never happened.

Dream Diary: Episode 2

I don't have dreams very often and I remember them even less frequently However last night I had 2 really messed up dreams. The first one was really weird and makes no sense. The second one makes even less sense from a logical standpoint.

The first one started off kind of strange I was standing outside of a church but like on a balcony/fire escape sort of thing and there was some sort of soccer match sort of thing between Poland and Ireland. Because of course these are two countries that are known for their soccer prowess. Actually maybe they are I don't know. I don't actually do soccer. Though I suppose that is comes from having watched the Man U - Chelsea match last week. Yes, I'm aware I'm insane and that I don't actually like soccer. And a semi-riot broke out. Anyway so I dropped a hymn book from the top of this fire escape and some of the pages broke out. You know like when you open a book with really old glue binding and that pages fall out? Did this have any significance to the rest of the dream? not that I can tell but it's something I remember. Anyway so then suddenly I'm doing something slightly illegal, I couldn't tell you what exactly. It was some sort of theft or espionage or something. Now let me start by saying that I would never do anything illegal or sneaky as I would most definitely be afraid of getting caught and for some people that's a rush, for me it's so much anxiety that I couldn't go through with it. Anyway I know I was being helped in my illegal pursuit by some sort of really hot maintenance workers, a construction worker or something like that I don't believe that those details were particularly clear in the dream just that he was all muscle-y and sweaty and hot. Anyway at one point he was helping me with my illicit activity and then we were having a serious sit down conversation about how he couldn't help me anymore but had justified helping be because he saw me outside of that church (the one from the beginning) and thought I was all innocent.

The second one was kind of Chronicles of Narnia in that it involved another world on the other side of a closet. I guess it's not all that far fetched but it on the other side of the closet there were 2 bulls that I wasn't supposed to let get onto the other side of the closet (into the real world). One of them did get into a sub-closet type thing where there was the actual closet, but covering the opening to the actual closet was tarped off. Then my alarm went off so I have no idea what would have happened.

As you can see there is no natural order to these dreams at all and in fact they are ridiculous. I remember details that seem to have absolutely nothing to do with anything. Someday I'd like to submit these things to someone who actually knows something about dreams. Until then I'll continue to keep you updated on the random crap that comes out of my sub-conscious.

Dreams are like men you can always have another one tommorow night

I need to start off by saying that I heard that line in a T.V. show the other day and I've been waiting to use it ever since. Now on to the meat of my post.

As you all know by now I'm not particularly happy with my career situation. It's not so much that my job sucks, because it really doesn't. It's more that I don't have a firm grasp on what is that I would like to be doing for the rest of my life. I was asked once when discussing my current job unhappiness what my dream job would look like. To be honest I have no clue.

Obviously I'm not a huge fan of manual labour so that's out. Which leaves me with office jobs. I liked working in the doctor's office as a receptionist... most of the time. But I don't think that I can justify taking that much of a pay cut. For the most part I like my current job, except when certain nosey co-workers seem to think that I don't have enough to do so everyone else should give me just a little bit of their work to do. And yeah, when it's slow I have no problem helping out, the problem comes when I do something once to help someone out and it becomes part of my regular job. Sorry I'm back to complaining again.

Okay so really what this was supposed to be about what career change. But without a clear vision of what I'm after is there really any point? I'm just afraid to end up like OB1, who has been at the same job for 12 years and hates it but can't or won't go anywhere else because then he'd have to start at the bottom.

At this point I've kind of ditched the grad school plans. But I just don't know what I'm going to do.

Dream Diary Episode 1

I’ve often wondered where dreams come from. One of my friends once hypothesised that dreams were really a collection of things that you subconsciously thought about throughout the day but didn’t have time to actually deal with.

Occasionally I’ll have dreams about people that I haven’t seen in years or places that I’ve never been but more often they are about people and environments which I deal with everyday. So I’m really not surprised when I dream about co-workers.

I am surprised (and worried) that I’m having recurring dreams about the same co-worker. Typically this dream occurs sometime between 5:30 and 6:15. So it’s likely (and hopefully) just that I’m thinking about having to go to work in the next hour or so and that works itself into my dream.

If dreams were really a reflection of what I’m thinking about during the day then my dreams should probably be focused on Tyler Hansbrough. However I have avoided that one so far.

Edit: I've now posted more entries in the month of March than I did all of 2007.

Dreaming of high school

Okay I haven't been in high school for a while and I hated every second I spent there but last night I had a dream about people I went to school with. Strange. It's funny because it's the sort of thing that totally could have happened logically based on things that actually did happen in high school but I know it didn't just because of the cast of characters. People always told me that high school was going to be the best time of my life. I never believed them but obviously there's something I still miss about the place.

Even stranger than dreaming about people I knew in high school is when I start dreaming about people that I know from college and then mix them in with people I knew in high school. This is strange because even though I left home most of the people I went to school with didn't. In fact I saw them at a social a couple of weeks ago and things are exactly the same. It's the same people hanging out with the same people, doing the same things. It's kind of sad actually.

I am slightly disturbed

So last night I had a dream about a co-worker and while it's not the first time I've dreamed about a co-worker it is the first time I've been truly disturbed by it, well except the time I had a dream about my boss but that was a different time and place.

Nothing actually happened in the dream (thank god). It was weird he took me to meet his family but we weren't actually seeing each other and then at some point I took him into an empty room to ask him what was going on and then I kissed him and his grandma walked in. It was a little weird.

The sad thing is that the entire dream spanned only 30 minutes but my analysis of it will last all day and probably into part of the weekend. I know that it only lasted 30 minutes because that was the time between when I woke up to go to the bathroom and when my alarm clock went off.

I suppose dreaming about co-workers will replace dreaming about rezzies now that I don't live there anymore.