That's What Friends Are For

I'm starting to do my goodbye lunches since I will be moving soon to start my new job. Oh I neglected to mention that I have a new job? Oopps. Well actually that was kind of intentional since I didn't want to say anything until things were all settled with my old job. But it looks like that's been done now so now I can talk about it a little bit. But that's not the point of this post.

This post is about having wonderful friends. See I went for lunch today with a former classmate and the co-worker. We talked about the job situation but mostly we talked about the boy situation. The thing is she reacted exactly the way I had expected her to, very happy for me but also warning me to be a little cautious. She also said I had a perma-grin on my face as I was talking about him.

So many big changes in my life. I can't wait to have goodbye lunches/dinners with all of my friends so that they can see how happy I am now because it's been a long time since I've felt like this.

It's been a while

Yeah, I know it's been a long time since I've posted anything. There has just been a lot going on with me lately and I haven't been able to put it into words.

First of all I lost my job. It was kind of a big shock and I felt like a horrible failure. But now I've been able to see a bit of a light at the end of the tunnel. I've done my grieving and now it's time to move on to bigger and better things right?

I'd like to thank a very special person in my life for helping me through all of this. I can't even describe how much I appreciate all of the support he's given me over the last couple of weeks. It's really shown me how much he cares about me, and well I feel the same about him. So that's kind of the other big news. And while I'm not quite ready to call him my boyfriend I think I'm getting pretty close.

So that's the current update. I'll try to stay more current, I promise.

You've got to be kidding me

No sooner does a whole online relationship end and I finally feel like I'm over it when a new guy appears on the scene. Okay that's not an entirely true statement. He just wasn't on my romantic radar until recently. But as we get to know each other better I feel more and more like this is someone that I could share my life with.

As for the other guy? Well we're still talking but I'm pretty sure KEG is right, we're not going to be friends. He says he never lost the romantic feelings for me because his other thing ended so quickly. But my heart is saying "you just can't trust him", while my head is saying "everyone deserves a second chance".

How do you choose? Not surprisingly I've never been in the position where I've had to before. I don't want to hurt either of them but making a choice leads to that very thing. At least it does if they like me as much as they say they do.

A week later

Things just seem to keep getting more complicated. A week after this happened I'm still struggling with what to do.

A brilliant woman told me to quit talking to him and I think that's where I'm at. I took some time and tried to discuss with him how we were going to carry on as friends without all of that other stuff getting in the way. There was no satisfactory solution but to hope that over time it wouldn't hurt so much. Well almost a week later it still really hurt. And frankly the last thing I need in my life right now is more hurt. So I reached the conclusion that while it would be hard I would suck it up, take KEG's advice and stop talking to him.

So I tried to tell him that. It didn't go well. First of all it hurt like hell. I mean to go from spending hours a day together to none at all was just a terrible thought. But I rationalized it by saying to myself that the only way for both of us to truly move on was to make a clean break. For some reason he got angry with me. He told me to take some time to figure out what I wanted, and then when I told him he got mad. So mad in fact that he said some really, really terrible hurtful things to me.

He later apologized for these things and told me he spoke out of anger and pretty much begged me not to cut him out of my life completely. I told him I'd think about it and he agreed to give me as much time and space as I needed. The problem is now I'm just not sure that he really is the guy I thought he was. I can understand that he was upset but what he said was totally uncalled for. At this point if he's waiting to hear from me it's looking like it might be a long time, and might be a simple FU. Yes I realize that's not real grown up but I'm not so sure that he even deserves a grown up reaction from me.

The end to the relationship that wasn't

I'm sure some of you have been wondering about my love life since I wrote this post about a month ago. Well here's the story.

I met this guy online (hey we're in the digital age I won't feel bad for meeting people online!) about 4 months ago and we've been talking everyday ever since. Usually for several hours a day. But sadly he's 19.5 hours away by car. About 3.5 by plane. From the beginning I think we knew that distance was going to be an issue, but in a world of Skype and webcams and long distance relationships it was possible that maybe it could work out. Well it didn't. As much as we always wished we could be together physically to kiss or hug or cuddle it just wasn't practical.

Even when we talked about visiting each other there was always a problem. And neither of us is exactly rolling in cash. So I guess it just wasn't meant to be. So we had the where do we stand talk and settled on friends. The problem is it's hard to talk to him now because all of those romantic notions I had about him are still in my head.

But it's even harder now as I'm finding out there are things he didn't tell me because he didn't want to hurt me. Like that he's been dating. We had talked about how we were going to deal with the issue of dating other people because we weren't together and we live so far apart. And I said I wanted to know. He was always reluctant and didn't want to tell me unless things got serious but I needed to know so that I could properly prepare myself for what was to come. So he agreed. Or at least he agreed in theory, apparently in practice he felt the need to protect me.

So yeah we're done. It's been a couple days now and it's still a little rough. But I'm not quite ready to cut him out of my life completely. I know he cares about me, and I care about him. So it's hard to just say so long. But right now I'm so pissed at him that I don't even want to talk to him. Am I out of line? Am I over reacting to his lie by ommission? Have you tried the long distance thing?

Edit: After reviewing the transcripts (of course I save these things) it turns out it was an actual explicit lie and not a lie by ommission. Which makes it a little worse.